Between December 1 of last year and yesterday, May 15th – that's five-and-a-half months – the sun continued to burn itself out, thus putting all of humanity and the citizens of Albuquerque on the road to extinction.
In that time, every single car thief in Albuquerque refused to flee the city or change their ways and swear off thievery.
During those nearly six months, snowfall in the mountains that feed the rivers that help supply Albuquerque with drinking water was way below average, once again, putting the residents of Albuquerque at risk of going thirsty and dying.
Between December and yesterday, Albuquerque's stagnant economy failed to do a 180-degree turn and make us all millionaires. In those nearly six months, there have been no miles-long caravans of cars, people and businesses from California and elsewhere streaming into Albuquerque to turn this place into a utopia of wealth and comfort where even criminals toss gold coins into fountains.
In those five and a half months, the Albuquerque Police Department has failed – yes failed! - to increase its ranks to 1,200 officers.
What's the common thread in all these failures? The time frame represents the first five-and-a-half months of Mayor Tim Keller's administration. That's right. In nearly 150 days in office, Keller has failed to solve every single one of the city's problems. I'll say it again. In nearly 150 days in office, Keller has failed to solve every single one of the city's problems.
That's a disgraceful and shameful record and we should launch a recall effort against Keller now.
Why weren't there 1,200 cops on the force on Keller's second day in office? Because Keller is all fluff and no substance.
Why are cars still being stolen in the city? Because Keller failed to personally arrest and prosecute each and every car thief.
Why aren't we all millionaires after Keller's first 150 days in office? Because Keller has no economic development plan.
That's the brutal truth. He's a failure. Think of his other failures. During his first 150 days in office people in this city died. Many were diagnosed with heart disease, cancer and other horrific illnesses. Students flunked classes, people who are five-foot four or shorter didn't grow to be over six feet tall, and lots of fat people are still fat.
So the question we must all ask is this: Why hasn't Keller, in his first 150 days in office, solved every single one of the city's problems?
The serious answer is that he can't, and no one would have been able to. And I'm writing this sort of idiotic piece because I'm sick of bloggers and other Keller haters who have been dumping on the guy for failing to instantly solve every single problem.
In short, they're insane, and so are their expectations of instant and perfect results. And their constant and daily drumbeat of negativity is poisonous and corrosive. No, you don't ignore your problems, but at some point you have to stop with the hateful negativity and start the long and hard process of making things better. Honestly, Albuquerque has yet to slide into the Rio Grande or crumble into dust. There are 560,000 people in the city, and most of them probably think their lives are pretty good.
Keller inherited a mess of a city – an economy that has yet to recover all the jobs lost during the recession, even after 10 years! A police department that was run into the ground for eight years by his predecessor. A crime epidemic that has been building for years.
Change takes time, and work. Economies take years to turn around. It will take at least four years for APD to get up to 1,200 officers. Criminals don't just stop stealing and robbing and raping and maiming because a new mayor was elected. Fat people don't lose 70 pounds over night.
Keller has had some missteps, the biggest one being his broken campaign promise on tax increases. And he does seem to go big for certain types of PR photo opportunities, but you can't scream “FAILIRE!” at the top of your lungs about every single thing he does.
Give the guy at least a year before you start determining whether he's on the road to failure or success. Give the guy a chance.
But for who want to continue to scream each and every day that Keller is a failure, here's something for you. Those volcanoes in Hawaii started opening up and spewing lava and sulfur dioxide within the past several weeks, and Keller didn't stop them.
Failure, thy name is Tim Keller!