Were you heartbroken over the recent death of longtime Maryland Congressman Elijah Cummings?
Were you weeping uncontrollably, rambling around aimlessly and unable to eat, drink, sleep, bathe, think, work, exercise, binge watch old TV shows, or worse, were you so devastated that you couldn't check your Twitter or Facebook feeds, or take a selfie?
And I mean all of you, all 330 million of you who are living in the United States.
If you weren't completely overcome with sorrow and incapacitated by Cummings's death, you should have been. And if you weren't, you had better start weeping and wailing and hyperventilating right now.
Because Albuquerque Mayor Tim Keller said so. In an Oct. 17 Facebook post, Keller said that every single person in America—all 330 million people—was heartbroken by Cummings's death. Here's the post:
“The loss of Elijah Cummings leaves our nation heartbroken today. He had incredible moral clarity, humility, and unmatched integrity. He leaves with us a legacy of fighting for justice and caring deeply for his community. Rest In Peace.”
So now Tim Keller, the mayor of the backwater and crime-ridden city of Albuquerque, knows what every single U.S. resident thinks and feels and can speak for each and every one of them.
Look, this was just stupid, pathetic, cheap and gross political pandering by Keller. That's what politicians do. But I find it sick, disgusting and insulting that Keller thinks he can speak for me and 330 million other people.
Well, I wasn't heartbroken by Cummings's death. I never met him, didn't know him and didn't follow his career very closely. I really didn't care that he died, just as I don't feel anything for the 7,452 people who, on average, die in this country each and every day. And I'll bet that just a handful or two of people—family members and close friends and associates—were truly “heartbroken” by Cummings's death.
Even if just one percent of the country were devastated and heartbroken by Cummings's death, that would mean that 3.3 million people were emotionally crushed and walking around in a daze and unable to function. That didn't happen.
So why did Keller lie and post such a false statement? Maybe because, just like President Trump, he's a disgusting narcissist who thinks the entire universe revolves around him and his feelings and opinions. Maybe our smiling mayor truly thinks that all 330 million people in the U.S. were heartbroken. If he does, he needs to be removed from office immediately and hustled off to an asylum because he is completely and stunningly out of touch with people, and incredibly delusional.
Maybe Keller is a wannabe dictator who thinks that we all should have been heartbroken by Cummings's death and that he can force us to weep for a dead congressman by merely saying that we should have been heartbroken. If that's the case, Keller needs to be immediately removed from office and shipped off to Russia where he can study under Vladimir Putin.
The truth is that Keller, like all politicians, is a pathetic, constant and disgusting panderer. He has no idea what normal people think, and he apparently thinks that he has been anointed to speak for every single person in the country. He also thinks that whatever his tiny circle of friends and political hacks think and feel applies to every single person in the country. If that isn't sick, delusional and dangerous, I don't know what is.
And guess what? I doubt that Keller was heartbroken, disconsolate and sobbing uncontrollably over Cummings's passing.
If Keller had any honor, decency or humility, he would have, before he posted that every single U.S. resident was crushed by Cummings's death, called, texted or emailed me—and every other U.S. resident—to find out how I felt. I would have told him I didn't care. So would have hundreds of millions of other Americans. And had Keller contacted me he would have written, “The loss of Elijah Cummings leaves our nation—with the exception of Dennis Domrzalski and 330 million other people—heartbroken today.”
And he also should have said, “I'm writing this because I'm a shameless panderer and I think that by appearing to be sensitive and saying that you are all heartbroken, you'll think I'm a sensitive man and vote for me again and again and again.”
I don't pretend to be able to speak for all 330 million U.S. residents like our happy, smiling, chirpy mayor does. But if I did, I'd post something like, “Mayor Tim Keller's post leaves the nation thinking he's an insincere goof.”